We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
