this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize