She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize