Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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