My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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