She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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