Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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