One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
