She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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