You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
