Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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