I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
