I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
