i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
