I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize