This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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