I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
