What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
