if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
