Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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