I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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