I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
