I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
