you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
