my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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