I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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