Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
