epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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