Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
