LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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