Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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