there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
