Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
