u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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