it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
