Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
