tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize