you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
