You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
