Please, let me fuck your mom
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
