And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
