then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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