my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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