i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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