Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
