what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
