Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
