I wish i was in the wii world.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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