Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
