I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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