im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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