so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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