Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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