Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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