Swine flu. Run for my life!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
