Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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