he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
