He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
