The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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