We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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