it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
