I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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