you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need to calm my uterus...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
