jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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