you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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