Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Watching her eat just hurts me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
