Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
