Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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