I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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