Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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