WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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