I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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