She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
