I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
