it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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