I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
