He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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