Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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