I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
