chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
