Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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