Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
