I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
