I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
