Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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