i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He keeps bees of course he's weird
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
