I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
