I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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