I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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