theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The power of my boobs compel you
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
