Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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