Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just high enough for therapy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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