also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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