well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
not ubering you a puppy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
