Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
