i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
