I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
