no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize