Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
