Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize