I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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