you guys were way drunker than both of me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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