3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish my penis had a tongue
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
