sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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