i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
