oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize