12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
